Wednesday, February 15, 2017

In the beginning . . . foster care

The Olivers
Picture from our 2016 Christmas card

We always said we'd have three kids. We'd tell anyone who asked, that's what the plan was. However, to say that I dislike the state of pregnancy would be a rather large understatement. It is, to me, nine months of discomfort ranging from a bit annoying to utter agony. And I have normal, uncomplicated pregnancies. And don't even get me started on those first three postpartum months. After Sinclair was born, even Piercen was all "you know, two is ok. Two feels good." 

But I've always had this nagging thought in my head that fostering/adopting was in our future. When Piercen and I were still in the college dating phase, I remember telling my mom that I didn't need to have biological children, that I could fall in love with a child that didn't come from my body. Those nagging thoughts didn't go away even after we had two of own beautiful biological children.

Back in the early fall, our pastor wrote this piece in our church's weekly newsletter about how God speaks to some people and not to others. It's not that those for whom God speaks to are any better off spiritually (I mean, even Mother Teresa spoke of God's silence), but that, for whatever reason, God speaks to some believers and not to others.  

Well, God speaks to me. He is a voice in my head, independent of my own, that often speaks words of love and comfort when I am down, but also truths, insights, and directions that, frankly, I am not always thrilled to hear. And he can be a real nagger. And for over two years, he has not stopped  chiming in with statements about being us becoming a foster care family.

In the past, I had good excuses as to why we couldn't foster; since I was running the shop, I didn't have enough time to take care of another child, since our third bedroom was my office, we didn't have enough room for any more children. When I finally decided to give up the shop, I heard God say something akin to "Excellent. Now, you can start doing what I've called you to do."

So we decided we would check things out. We made plans to attend a foster care info meeting hosted by a local Lutheran social services organization. However, no one from the organization showed up to the meeting. So Pierce and I used the time to sip coffee at a nearby cafe and really talk about our hopes, fears, concerns, and questions about foster care and what sort of parameters might work for our family. We decided that emergency and respite care for children 0-2 years of age (to maintain birth order with our own children) would make the most sense for our family and our space constraints.

The Sunday after the nonexistent meeting, I had a chat with a woman from our church whose family is in the process of adopting a little boy from the foster care system. She suggested going directly through the Massachusetts Department of Children and Families (DCF). Fast forward a couple of weeks, I was sitting in the Sunday morning worship service making mental notes to call DCF that week when I saw an announcement in the bulletin that DCF would be holding an info meeting in Arlington for prospective foster families.

We attended that meeting last week and had some really informative conversations with a DCF social worker, a current foster care mother, and two other couples looking to become foster parents. After the meeting, we filled out the foster parent application, and the social worker promised to forward it on to the Malden office.

A couple of days ago, I got a call from a Malden (North Shore) social worker, and she is coming this morning to meet me and to do the initial check of our home. Since then, I've had a momentary freakout when I realized we can't fit a convertible carseat (for kids around 1-4 years old) in our car along with the carseats for Luther and Sinclair. But then we tested our infant carseat, and it works fine. This means that for now, we will be limited to caring for infants, which the social worker assured me there was quite a need for.

This morning, I have neatened up the house, set up the coffee maker for a fresh pot, arranged a plate of leftover V-Day brownies, and have added multiple questions to an already long list.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Happy Birthday Sinclair!

Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two! Sinclair Turns Two!

Our littlest love turns two today! I did a photoshoot of her yesterday to capture her last day as a one year old. Today, we're having birthday biscuits for breakfast, family time at the Arlington library, lunch out, then home for a tea party, homemade mac and cheese, and cake. A very sweet day for a very sweet girl!

For Sinclair's 1st birthday photo shoot: see here 

Monday, January 30, 2017

Recent Thrifting Finds

Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Sweater for me. Brand is "Country Suburban" which is a new one to me. 
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Sweater/tunic for me. Brand is Chaps. I adore this piece; it's super soft and comfy with fun little pockets in the front, and the colors are flattering.
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Cardigan for me. I'm not one to pass up a good pastel pink anything. 
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Sweater/shirt for Luther for next year. 
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Vest for Luther for next year.
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Brown Mary Jane shoes for Sinclair; a bit big on her now, but prob not for long.
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
This thing is cool. It's a tea strainer, but it has this swinging plate underneath to catch the drips. 
Pierce was impressed by it. 
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Pretty little jars to hold the citrus flavored sugars and salts I've been making to give as hostess gifts this year.  
Thrift Finds 1/9/17
Smallish glass canister jar with metal clamp. Going to be used to hold edible gifts, unless I come up with another use for it in the meantime which is likely to happen. 

My apologies for the subpar quality of these photos. I was taking them in the late afternoon, and there really wasn't enough light. 

This haul was from a couple of weeks ago. Since I'm not looking for shop items anymore, I don't "need" to go the thrifts as often, and my take-homes are not as large as before. Which is good cause then I can show you what I picked up without being overwhelmed by photographing/describing it all.  

Happy Monday!

Friday, January 27, 2017

Letting Go


Back in November, late one night as I lay in bed, I came to a rather sudden decision: it was time to close my beloved vintage shop.

I opened Vintage Soup in early 2010. It was my creative outlet and my avenue for building a business that fit my aesthetics and adhered to my standards.  And for six years, I have loved it. I've loved the combing through dusty thrift store shelves in search of vintage treasure. I've loved researching those found treasures and discovering their histories. I've loved photographing each item and writing up each item description. I've loved showing off the shop on social media and interacting with other like-minded vintage aficionados. I've loved the customer compliments and hearing how they appreciate the way I run my business. I've loved it all, and I could and did see myself doing this work for years to come.

And yet for the past two years, the shop had only been marginally profitable, for reasons I tried to explain away to myself; I have young kids at home;  I haven't had enough time to put into the shop, etc. However, as 2016 drew to a close, I started to take a serious look at my shop stats. Views from the year were way down from 2014 (my best year). Etsy has become saturated with vintage sellers since I started back in 2010. While this is mostly a good thing for buyers, as a seller, it has become very hard to get your items seen in a sea of other vintage items. Plus, Etsy changed the search algorithm to reward sellers who are most active in their shops, and that's a great change. But I can't be one of those most active sellers. I have two little children who require the vast majority of my time and attention, and will continue to do so for a long time.

When I started to really look at the hours I was spending on the shop and the income I was making, it was something like pennies per hour. I had always thought and hoped that once the kids were in school, I would have enough time during the day to make a decent financial contribution each month to our family, but I could see that was not going to happen for many years, if ever.

And as much as I loved doing the shop work, it also caused me to feel a lot of guilt. Guilt if I didn't spend every free moment I had doing shop work; guilt when I didn't meet the number of new shop listings for the week that I had set for myself; guilt when I wasn't able to keep up with the social media aspects like I felt I needed to, and so on and so forth. Even worse, I found myself resenting my children. They need so much time and attention, and I was angry when their needs spilled over into what I considered shop needs.

After I finally faced the possibility of letting VS go, I realized I had been split in two for who knows how long. I was trying to be a fully committed mother, wife, and family caregiver while at the same time trying to be a fully committed shop owner. I wasn't achieving any of those goals.

That night in bed, I finally admitted to myself that I had been holding on to VS, and the dream of VS because I was scared. I was scared of being just a stay-at-home-mom in a society that doesn't value such work. I was afraid of losing myself and what made me interesting in the daily grind of caring for a family. I was afraid of others thinking I had wasted the excellent education provided me by Oglethorpe and Lehigh Universities. I was afraid of the moment when I would have to figure out what I was going to do once the kids were in school, of writing resumes after years of being out of the "workplace," scared of being stuck in entry level job when almost every friend I have has spent years building their career up. I'm still scared of all these things.

For months now, God has been speaking to my heart about other plans he may have for me; plans about working in the foster care system, plans about working to help build understanding and respect among the major faith communities, plans to make a difference in people's every day lives. He has also been reminding me of some other true loves: work done in public history and cultural non-profits.

I keep thinking of that bible verse where God says "For I know the plans I have for you, not to harm you, but to prosper you and give you a future."

As soon as I had decided to let go of Vintage Soup and the dreams I had for it, I felt the lifting of a huge burden off my shoulders that I had not known was there.

I don't know what my future "career" is going to look like and may not know for a long time. I'm working to be ok with the not knowing and with the fears I have about the future. I've asked God for two things; a career I can be passionate about and one that I can be proud of. And so I am going to sit back, take care of my family, fully committed, and wait for God's direction. If I've learned anything over the past thirty-three years, it is that God's plan for my life turns out to be, without fail, so much better than anything I could have come up with. If you are the praying type, please pray for me. And if you have been a customer of Vintage Soup, thank you so very much. You have given me an immense amount of pleasure and satisfaction these past six years. It has been a joy and an honor.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Advent & Christmas

Nothing like a Christmas post in mid-January! Here's a recap of our 2016 Christmas season.
"O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel." Celebrating this first Sunday of Advent. #advent #slowandsacredadvent
In liturgical churches, Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas. This past year, we incorporated its observance into our home life by using Slow + Sacred Advent by Jennifer Naraki. Also, that's a snake tattoo on Sinclair's arm. 
Planted some basil seeds as part of our #slowandsacredadvent . And also because we're all obsessed with basil. #advent #basil #homegardening #childhood #instasinclair #instaluther
Planting seeds to honor Jesus as the Seed. 
Orange Cake in recognition that in times past, oranges were a rare seasonal luxury and part and parcel to the holiday season. 

Friday, January 6, 2017

New Year's Resolutions


Happy new year folks! Hard to believe we are already here. My favorite thing about this time is the feeling of newness and possibilities. To that end, here's my list of resolutions for 2017:

➳ Invest in myself.
Exercise regularly with weekly spin class and weekly yoga class. Do yoga at home, and my MuTu exercises. Stop biting my nails for good. Grow out my bangs.

➳ Be still and know.
This year brings some changes for me personally and some big possibilities for us a a family (some blog posts coming on all this later). My goal is to maintain an open heart and mind to what God brings into our home this year and to not worry, but rest in the knowledge that he knows the plans he has for us.

➳ Combat hate and fear with love and welcome.
With fear and hatred taking over our political system this year, I'm going to make a concentrated effort to show love and welcome and a place of security to all those around me, especially to those the Trump presidency threatens.

Be more intentional about embracing and celebrating the seasons.
Particularly with the kids and as a family. Make special recipes and crafts that speak to each season. Enjoy the seasonal changes outdoors. Attempt to enjoy the summer heat and sun by going to the beach more. Attempt to enjoy the beach.

➳ Start to implement a four season garden.
My in-laws gave me Four Seasons Harvest by Eliot Coleman, and it has been so eye-opening and inspiring. With some simple practices and techniques, we can cultivate a garden that is harvestable year-round, even here in New England. It's going to be such a learning experience.

➳ Be more intentional.
In my spiritual life, in parenting, in the hospitality I show to others, and in self-improvement.

➳ Bake bread far more often.
Regular sandwich bread, sweet breads, dinner rolls, etc.  I also want to build a solar oven that we can bake bread in the summers without using the oven and heating up the house.

➳ Make homemade.
Everything. Bread obviously, but also things like special liqueurs, flavored salts and sugars to use as hostess gifts, lotions, soaps, etc. We've started to use Young Living essential oils in our lives, and it has opened up so many options.

Now if only the new year also brought more time in each day to get all this done!

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Happy Half Birthday Luther!

This is what a four-and-a-half year old looks like!
Untitled Untitled

Our sweet Luther boy turned 4.5 years old recently. It was a Saturday, so we took a family walk in the coming twilight and spotted Venus and Mars in the dim sky. We've been doing a lot of family discussions and readings on the solar system, so the timing was apropo. When we returned home, we had mac and cheese, as requested (bonus is that it was leftover m&c from a church function a few days earlier, so no cooking for me). And course, the traditional 1/2 cupcake; this time with chocolate cake and blue almond icing with a metric ton of sprinkles. 

Luther boy, you are the light of our lives. We adore you beyond measure. Happy half birthday, my love!